Ages & Stages - Toddlers

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TODDLER RULES

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged. I am toddler!

Always Remember,
Our children are a precious gift,
Our children are Our future!!!



THE TODDLER MIRACLE DIET

Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you tend to go broke (the all meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, quit after three days or go right back to stuffing their faces after its all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends that you have a gland problem?

Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet!! Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two year olds are trim... After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians and distraught moms, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your doctor-- otherwise you might have to see him afterward. Good Luck!

Day One

Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly.
Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers: dump the rest on the floor.
Take one bite of toast then smear the jelly all over your face and clothes.

Lunch: 4 crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (three sips only then spill the rest)

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.

Bedtime snack: Toast a piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.

Day Two

Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from the kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half a bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina dog chow (any flavor). One ice cube if desired.

Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until its clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner: A rock or uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour grape kool-aid over mashed potatoes, eat with a spoon.

Day Three

Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk, drink half, stuff the other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put in the cushion of your best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of Ice cream, handful of potato chips, red punch.

Final Day

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over Cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy drink milk and feed cereal to the dog.

Lunch: Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it along with other findings in the cushions.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and Chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.



BOOKS

For many more books, click here!



LINKS

Parenting: Babies & Toddlers - About.com
Toddlers - Dr. Greene
Parents of Toddlers & Preschoolers - Parent Soup
Dealing With Toddlers
Toddlers - Wikipedia





















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